The Teen Titans in Much Ado About Nothing
by severineyung
Summary: A mix of the Teen Titans and "Much Ado About Nothing". Mostly on the relationship of Raven and Beast Boy Garfield , but lots on Robin and Starfire as well. Try to guess who's who!
1. Act 1 Scene 1: Back from the War

Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans or Much Ado About Nothing by Shakespeare, or the many wonderful quotes I've borrowed here in attempt to retain his elevated style.

Some act-scene arrangements differ from Shakespeare's original play, and these scenes _do_ vary in length quite a bit.

Please enjoy and review!

Act 1 Scene 1

Enter Galfore, the governor of Messina, with Starfire his daughter and Raven his niece, a messenger arrives.

**Messenger **(_running and smiling) _Signor Galfore, Don VicStone the Prince has returned and is headed to Messina!

**Galfore** _(smiles back, strokes beard)_ And I've heard that the Prince has recently bestowed much honour on a young Count by the name of Robin.

**Messenger** (_eagerly)_ Yes indeed! Robin's skills in battle surpasses the promise of his age. He, in the figure of a lamb, displays the feats of a lion!

**Raven **_(pipes up)_ By the way, has Signor "Beast Boy" returned from the wars or no?

**Messenger** _(puzzled)_ Signor "Beast Boy"?

**Starfire**: My cousin means Signor Garfield of Padua.

**Messenger:** Oh I see! He is back, and in the best of spirits!

**Raven **_(side glancing)_ So…how many men exactly has he killed in battle? I did promise to eat his killing, but I haven't had any so far.

**Galfore **_(chuckles)_ O niece, don't be so harsh on Signor Garfield!

**Raven **_(sarcastically)_ Well, he's a good trencherman.

**Messenger **And a good soldier too, lady.

**Raven: **and a good soldier TO a lady. But what is he to a lord?

**Messenger **_(innocently)_ Why a lord to a lord, a man to a man, stuffed with honorable virtues.

**Raven **_(smirks)_ He is no less than a stuffed man then, as for the stuffing—

**Galfore **Please don't be offended by my niece. There is a kind of "merry war" between her and Garfield, always a certain skirmish of wit.

**Raven **_(laughs)_ Ha yeah! Last time, nine out of his ten wits went running off! I sure do hope his last wit makes a difference between himself and his horse!

**Messenger **_(cautiously)_ He is not in your good books, is he lady?

**Raven **(_widens eyes)_ No, absolutely not! If he were, I would burn my study!

Enter Don VicStone the Prince, Don Deathstroke the Bastard and the half brother of the Prince, Robin, and Garfield. Galfore and Don VicStone exchange greetings and pleasantries. Garfield joins in with his usual jokes.

**Raven **(approaches Garfield) I wonder why you're still talking, Signor Garfield. No one's listening to you.

**Garfield **(with an exaggerated smile) O, my dear Lady Disdain, I didn't know you were still alive!

**Raven **(cocks her head) Disdain cannot die when she has such food to feed on as Signor Garfield!

**Garfield **(laughs) Well, then how come all the ladies love me so much?

**Raven: **But I certainly don't. And I'll never love any man.

**Garfield: **I'm glad of that.

**Raven: **Why?  
**Garfield **(stifles laughter) Because the poor gentleman would end up with his face all scratched!

**Raven **(laughs too) Don't worry, no scratching will ever worsen that face of yours!

**Garfield: **Why, you're a real parrot-teacher!

**Raven: **A bird of my tongue is better than a beast of yours!

**Garfield: **Wish my horse had the speed of your tongue.

**Raven **(resentfully) You always end with a jade's trick. I know you.

Exeunt all but Garfield and Robin

**Robin: **Gar, did you notice the daughter of Galfore? Isn't she a modest young lady?

**Garfield: **No, I mean, she's too tall for a sweet praise, too orange for a fair praise and too skinny for a great praise.

**Robin: **I'm not joking, Gar! Come on, tell me what you think!

**Garfield: **Since you're so curious about her, why don't you buy her?

**Robin **(dreamily) Can the world buy such a jewel?

**Garfield: **Yeah, and a pretty case to put her into too.

**Robin **(desperately) But isn't she just the sweetest lady you've ever seen?

**Garfield: **I can still see without glasses, but nope. I see no such thing. (Suddenly thoughtful) There's her cousin, and if she wasn't always possessed with a fury, exceeds her much in beauty.

Enter Don VicStone. Garfield soon tells him about Robin's affection for Starfire.

**Don VicStone: **Well she is a worthy lady.

**Garfield: **But Rob, it's dangerous to trust women, and for that, I will die a bachelor.

**Don VicStone: **You are always so against marriage Gar!

Garfield shakes his head smiling sadly, and walks off.

**Robin **(romantically) My lord, I am overwhelmed with such tender longing. My soft fantasies all prompt me to see how beautiful young Starfire is. Yet I fear that she will not accept me.

**Don VicStone **(smiles mischievously) Leave that to me, dear friend. At the masked ball tonight, I will woo her for you, speak with her father, all the while pretending to be you. Before long, (with a confident finality) she will be yours.

Exeunt


	2. Act 2 Scene 1: The Masked Ball

Act 2 Scene 1

Enter Raven, Starfire, Galfore and his brother Antonio

**Galfore: **Hmm, strange. Was Count Deathstroke here at supper?

**Raven: **I don't think so. And how bitter that gentleman looks. Every time I glance at him I suffer from indigestion.

**Starfire **(more sympathetically) But he seems to be of a very melancholy disposition.

**Raven: **You know, an ideal man would be made mid way between him and Signor Garfield. One is a silent statue, whilst the other's a spoiled child, evermore tattling.

**Galfore** (chuckles) An ideal man indeed.

**Raven**: Yeah, if he's got enough money in his purse too.

**Galfore** (could not contain his laughter) Dear niece, with that shrewd tongue of yours you'll never get a husband!

**Raven: **Yeah, in fact, I would never endure a man with a beard on his face anyway. I'd rather sleep in hay.

**Antonio: **Then what about a husband without a beard?

**Raven: **What would I do with him? Dress him up in my garments and call him my waiting gentlemwoman? (exaggerates a sigh) Oh well, since no man is right for me, I guess I'll just walk straight into hell.

**Galfore** (tries not to laugh) Now, will you go into hell?

**Raven: **Well no, only to the gate. You see, the devil will come out and stop me, saying, "Go to heaven Raven, there's no place for you maids here".

All laugh and walk off to the masked ball.

All men are masked, and dance with their partners

**Don VicStone: **Lady, would you care to dance with me?

**Starfire **(giggles) If the face does not resemble the mask!

They move aside.

**Raven** _(to Garfield)_ Oh, he said I was disdainful, that all my jokes were lame and were copied from a manual!

**Garfield: **Who's he?

**Raven** _(smiles secretly)_ Why, Signor Garfield of course. He's the Prince's dull fool. Everybody laughs at him, not at his jokes, mind you. Then they all beat him up! It's very sad really.

**Garfield: **When I see the gentleman, I'll be sure to pass on your words.

**Raven **_(delightfully)_**: **Oh please do!

_They dance off._

_Enter Don Deathstroke_

**Don Deathstroke**_ (to Robin)_ Are you not Signor Robin?

**Robin: **I am he. Is something the matter?

**Don Deathstroke: **Signor, my brother has fallen in love with the lady Starfire and even swore to her that he'll marry her tonight. If you are his friend, please, discourage him from this. She is no equal for his birth.

Exit Don Deathstroke

**Robin **_(utterly distraught)_ Can this be true? The Prince woos for himself! Friendships are constant in all other things, but not in the affairs of love. (_Sigh)_ Farewell, therefore, Starfire.

Enter Garfield

**Garfield** _(indignantly)_ Rob, what're you standing there for? The Prince has got your girl! Get up and fight for her!

**Robin **_(lowers eyes)_ I hope he'll be happy with her.

Robin walks away, while Garfield gapes incredulously. Don VicStone comes in.

**Don VicStone: **Gar, have you seen the Count?

**Garfield: **The Count? I saw him earlier and he looked really so sad.

**Don VicStone**: Why?

**Garfield: **He had just found a beautiful bird, and showed it to his friend, who steals it.

**Don VicStone **(realizing) Oh but his friend will only teach them to sing, and give it back.

**Garfield **(ominously) : But what if it sings only to the friends call?

**Don VicStone **(changes the subject) Oh by the way, was Lady Raven dancing with you earlier?

**Garfield **(passionately) O yes! She said I was the Prince's dull fool, and that I would stand like an idiot while an entire army shoots at me.

You know, she speaks with knives, and every word stabs. If her breath were as terrible as what she says, she'd infect to the North Star!

Oh let's not talk about her. Any sensible man would know better to sit quietly in hell rather than be in her presence. Indeed, all disquiet, horror and perturbation follows her.

**Don VicStone: **Speaking of Lady Raven, here she comes.

**Garfield: **And I must leave, for I just can't stand my Lady Tongue.

Exit Garfield

Enter Raven with Robin

**Raven: **My Lord, you were looking for Count Robin?

**Don VicStone: **Ah Count, why do you look so sad? Are you sick?

**Raven **(understandingly) He's neither sad, sick, merry nor well, but feeling like an orange, with something of that jealous colour.

**Don VicStone: **Come Robin, I wooed in your name, and fair Starfire is won.

Claps hands. Enter Galfore with his daughter.

**Galfore** (smiles) Count, I give you my daughter, and with her my good wishes.

**Raven**: It's your cue to speak, Count.

**Robin** (mute with joy, he shyly reaches out and holds Starfire's hands)

**Raven** (nudges Starfire) Cousin, say something, if not, stop his mouth with a kiss and don't let him speak either!

**Don VicStone** (smiles at Raven) Lady, you truly have a merry heart.

**Galfore** (before Raven can answer) Niece, you remember what I asked you to do this morning?

**Raven** (gets the hint) Oh yeah, I'll attend to it right now, pardon me my Lord!

She leaves

**Don VicStone** : Your niece really is a pleasant spirited lady. (after a while) Does she ever mention about getting a husband?

**Galfore** (tries to decipher his message) Oh no, she always scares off all her suitors.

**Don VicStone: **Well, she'll be an excellent wife for Garfield.

**Galfore **(laughs) My! If they ever got married, they would banter themselves mad!

**Don VicStone** (suddenly gestures for Galfore, Starfire and Robin to come near. Whispers) Listen to this. Why don't we push the Lady Raven and Garfield into a mountain of affection with one another? It'd be fun!

**Galfore and Robin: **I will be with you my Lord.

**Starfire: **And I will do any modest service to ensure my cousin a good husband.

**Don VicStone **(grins broadly) I will tell you how to make your cousin fall for Garfield; Signor Galfore, Count Robin and I will trick him into falling for Raven. If all goes well, Cupid will be ashamed of himself, and we will be the only love-gods!


	3. Act 2 Scene 2: Don Deathstroke

Act 2 Scene 2

Enter Don Deathstroke and Speedy, his servant.

**Don Deathstroke **(clenches fist) That Robin…If I can only hurt him any way, I'll bless myself every way. So he will soon marry the daughter of Galfore?

**Speedy: **Yes my Lord. But rest assured, for the lady Starfire's waiting woman, Chesire, regards me with an eye of favour.

Tell your brother the Prince, and Count Robin that Starfire loves me. If they don't believe you, show them to her chamber window. There they will hear me call Chesire Starfire…and then…need I elaborate my Lord?

**Don Deathstroke **(with a new life in his eyes)**: **If your plan succeeds, I will give you a thousand ducats. Now let's see how the marriage will end up…


	4. Act 2 Scene 3: On Garfield

Act 2 Scene 3

Enter Garfield

**Garfield **(sighs) Poor old Robin, he used to speak plainly and to the point, but now his words are a fantastical banquet, just so many strange dishes.

(Suddenly) Speaking of Robin, here comes the Prince and Monsieur Love!

Chuckling, he hides behind a bush. Enter Don VicStone and Robin.

**Don VicStone: **Galfore, did you just say that your niece Raven was in love with Signor Garfield?

**Robin **(whispers) Stalk on, stalk on; the fowl sits.

**Garfield: **What are they saying? Have I heard wrong?

**Galfore **(sighs) Yes, and she loves him so much, it really worries my daughter and I.

**Don VicStone: **But how do you know she loves him? Isn't her heart resistant to any such affection?

**Galfore: **That's what I thought. But my daughter tells me…(desperately glances at the other two for help)

**Robin **(saves him) Oh yes, I remember Starfire telling me that Raven forces herself up, every night, to try and write a letter to tell him of her love.

**Galfore: **But you see, my Lord, she says she cannot in her right mind write to him. She knows he would surely make fun of her and flunk her.

**Don VicStone: **Poor Lady.

**Robin: **In fact, the lady gets up at least twenty times a night, writing and rewriting letters that will never be sent, and tearing them to a thousand pieces.

**Galfore **(sigh) My poor niece's passion is too intense for her own good. At night, my daughter watches as she falls down to her knees, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses, "O sweet Garfield! Why must I love you so?"

**Don VicStone** (aside) Bait the hook well. This fish will bite.

**Garfield **(aside): Even the white bearded fellow and Starfire say this, so this can't be a trick.

**Galfore **(looking very worried) I knew that once Signor Garfield returns from the battlefield, the mere sight of him will further enkindle her fiery passion. When they met that day I welcomed you here, my Lord, my daughter and I immediately saw that look in her eyes, though she carefully hides it from Signor Garfield, we know she is suffering, and we suffer too. (Shakes head in grief) My daughter even fears that she'll do a desperate outrage to herself one day.

**Robin **(encouraged by their increasingly convincing dialogue) Oh, and she'll surely die. Starfire tells me that she'll die if he doesn't love her, she'll die if he finds out about her love, and she'll die if he woos her first.

**Don VicStone: **I understand. You know Garfield's got a contemptuous character.

**Robin: **I know.

**Don VicStone: **Especially against women and marriage.

**Robin: **And to let him know of her love would only make him torment the poor lady worse.

**Don VicStone: **Too bad, she is a fair lady. And without doubt, she is virtuous.

**Robin: **Not to mention highly intelligent,

**Don VicStone: **In everything but loving Garfield. (Sighs) If all her dotage were on me, I would surely ignored all other aspects and return her love.

**Galfore: **But all that being said, he is an honorable man.

**Don VicStone: **He's valiant too.

**Robin: **With sparks of wit.

**Don VicStone: **No matter how much we love Garfield, I just wish he could modestly inspect himself, and see how unworthy he is to so good a lady.

**Robin: **True.

**Don VicStone **(aside) Good job team. Now we only need to wait till Starfire and her waiting women play the same trick on Raven. Soon, they will both believe the other to be in love with themselves (chuckles). Now that is the scene I would like to see.

Exeunt

**Garfield **(walks out of bushes) What was that I heard? It seems Lady Raven's affections are at full bent. And this can't be a trickery, since Starfire and Galfore have witnessed it.

Hmmm…they say she is fair, I must agree; and virtuous, why I wouldn't be able to disprove it. But highly intelligent in everything but in loving me. (Smiles at the thought, with a certain sweetness in his heart.)

For so long I've been so opposed to marriage. I know Robin and the Prince will surely laugh at me now. Ha! Who cares? Don't appetites alter? The man loves the milk in his youth that he cannot endure in his age!

Sounds of footsteps

Somebody's coming!

Enter Raven

She indeed is a fair lady, and I can indeed make out signs of love in her.

**Raven **(approaches) My uncle has sent me against my will to invite you to dinner.

**Garfield **(smiles politely) Fair Raven, I thank you for your trouble.

**Raven:** Oh, there's less trouble for those thanks than you take trouble to thank me.

**Garfield **(a bit sanguinely) So, you take pleasure in the message?

**Raven **(sarcastically) As much pleasure as putting my fingers on a knife. (Seeing him still standing there) No appetite for dinner, Signor? Farewell.

She leaves.

**Garfield **(smiles to himself) "My uncle has sent me against my will to invite you to dinner". Ha, there's another meaning behind that. "There's less trouble for those thanks than you take trouble to thank me", meaning "any trouble I take for you is easier than saying thanks". Why, even her words overflow with affection! If I don't love her now, then I'll be an animal.

Exit


	5. Act 3 Scene 1: On Raven

Act 3 Scene 1

Enter Starfire with her waiting gentlewomen Chesire and Argent. The Lady tells Chesire to find Raven, and tell her that she and Argent are having a long conversation all about her

.

Enter Raven, she hides.

**Argent **(aside) How pleasant it is to watch the beautiful fish cut the silver stream with her golden oars, and devour greedily the treacherous bait we now lay for it. (She and her mistress deliberately walk closer to Raven, to make sure their conversation is fully audible)

**Starfire **: No Argent, do not tell my cousin about Signor Garfield's love for her. She is by nature too disdainful. Don't you see that disdain and scorn riding sparkling in her eyes?

**Argent: **But my Lady, he loves her with such an enraged passion past the infinite of thought…should we not tell…

**Starfire: **No. Raven would only make a joke out of it and torture him. In fact, she is too self-endeared that she turns every man inside out, no matter how valiant, how proper or rarely featured they are.

**Argent: **But that is such a shame. Raven would be the perfect wife for him. And with a wit as swift and excellent as hers, how would she refuse such a rare gentleman as Signor Garfield?

**Starfire: **I agree. He is the only man in Italy…always excepting my dear Robin of course.

**Argent:** My Lady, in my opinion, he IS the only man in Italy, for shape, for bearing, argument and valour!

**Starfire **(sighs) Yet we must counsel poor Garfield to fight against his own passion. I will find some honest slanders to stain my cousin with. You never know how much an ill word can empoison liking.

**Argent: **Therefore, let Garfield, like covered fire, consume away in sighs, waste inwardly. (Changes topic to tone down the slightly exaggerated gloominess of their conversation) Madam, as tomorrow is your wedding day, let's go prepare your garments!

Walk off

**Starfire **(aside) If this all works well, then love comes by chance. Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps (giggles).

When they are gone, Raven steps out.

**Raven **(dumbfounded) What fire is in mine ears? Garfield is in love with me, but is tortured because of my disdain. Well from now on, contempt, farewell; maiden pride, adieu. (Tenderly) Love on, Garfield, and I'll tame my wild heart to your loving hand.


	6. Act 4 Scene 1: The Day of the Wedding

Act 4 Scene 1

At wedding. Enter Don VicStone, Don Deathstroke the Bastard, Galfore, the Friar, Starfire and Raven, with guests and servants.

**Friar **(to Robin) You come here, my lord, to marry this lady?

**Robin **(abruptly) No.

**Galfore** : To be married TO her. Friar, you come to marry her.

**Friar**: If either of you have any inward impediment that prevents the marriage, please say so now.

**Robin **(meaningfully) Starfire, do you?

**Starfire **(innocently) No, my lord.

**Friar: **Do you, Count?

**Galfore: **I dare say his answer is none.

Garfield, Raven and others begin to feel a bit anxious, something seems to be amiss.

**Robin **(suddenly to Galfore) Father, do you give me with a sincere heart and soul, this maid your daughter?

**Galfore **(puzzled and nervous) Yes of course, my son. Just as God gave her to me.

**Robin **(slowly) And what should I give you back in return for this precious gift?

**Don VicStone** (chips in) Nothing, unless you return her.

**Robin**: Thank you good Prince, you have taught me a noble lesson. (Furiously) There, Galfore, take her back again. Don't give me this rotten orange! She's only the sign and semblance of her honour. Look how she blushes like a maid, yet these are blushes of guilt. I have fallen into the trap of her exterior shows, for she knows the heat of a luxurious bed!

**Galfore **(very shocked) My Lord, I don't understand.

**Robin: **I will not be married, will not knit my soul to this proven whore. (to Starfire, with pain) You seemed to me a fair spirit in her crystal orb, as chaste as a snow white cloth. But in fact, your blood is even more impure than those lowly animals that rage in savage sensuality.

**Starfire **(paler and paler) My lord, are you feeling well?

**Galfore: **Dear Prince, why do you not speak?

**Don VicStone **(vehemently) What should I say? My honour is blackened by linking my dear friend to a contaminated stale.

**Robin **(to Galfore) Now let me ask your daughter a question. Will you with your fatherly power, make her promise to answer truthfully?

**Galfore: **Star, as you are my child, say nothing but the truth.

**Robin: **What man did you talk to yesterday midnight at your chamber window? Answer to this if you are a maid.

**Starfire: **But I didn't speak with any man at that time my Lord.

**Don VicStone: **Why then you are no maiden. Upon my honour, this grieved Count, my brother and I saw her and heard her last night talk to a ruffian at her chamber window. They even confessed the vile encounters they have had a thousand times in secret.

**Don Deathstroke** : This is all very true.

**Robin **(takes one last look at Starfire) Sigh, why did I ever fall for your charms? I should have known that beauty is a treacherous witch. Fare you well, most foul, most fair; farewell. I will now leave you to your pure impiety and impious purity!

Exeunt Robin, Don Deathstroke and Don VicStone

Starfire faints

**Galfore **(despairingly)**:** Has any man a dagger's point for me?

**Raven: **How now cousin, why do you fall?

**Garfield **(concerned) How is the lady?

**Raven** (tears brimming) Dead, I think. Starfire, O Starfire! (Hugs her body) Help, uncle, Signor Garfield, Friar—

**Galfore **(very distressed) Let her die, death is the fairest cover for her shame. Oh why did I ever love you so much? Her crime is written in her blood, barred with ribs of iron and appears in proper nakedness!

She has fallen into a deep pit of ink, where no sea can ever wash her clean again, and no amount of salt will ever cover her foul, tainted flesh.

**Raven **(to Garfield) On my soul, my cousin has been framed.

**Garfield: **Lady, were you her bedfellow last night?

**Raven: **I have always been, but not yesterday night.

**Galfore: **Then it is confirmed! Would the two princes lie? Would Robin lie who loved her so much?

**Friar: **When I watched, the lady blushed a thousand times, and a thousand innocent shames in angel whiteness beat away those blushes. A fire in her eye burnt away the errors the princes hold against her maiden truth. I believe the Lady lies innocent under some biting error.

When Starfire finally awakens

**Friar: **Lady, what man was it that you were accused of?

**Starfire: **I spoke to no man. If I lie (to father), refuse me, hate me, torture me to death.

**Friar: **There must be some strange misunderstanding in the princes.

**Garfield: **In fact, as they are honorable men, I believe they have been misled by Don Deathstroke the Bastard, whose spirits toil in the frame of villainies.

**Galfore** (viciously) If the princes speak the truth, these hands shall tear her!

**Friar: **Let us pretend that Starfire is dead. Now when the public mourns for her, her shame will be washed away, and she'll be pitied and excused. When Robin hears of her death, her beauty will soon creep into his imagination, and become sweeter, more delicate and full of life.

Then we will revive Starfire, whilst reborn she shall be pure and innocent again. Yet if the people do not forgive her even after this, we will have to conceal her in a religious life far from slander.

(Kindly to Starfire) Come lady, die to live, your marriage is only delayed. Have patience.

Exeunt all but Raven and Garfield

**Garfield: **Lady Raven, have you wept for all this time?  
**Raven: **And I'll keep weeping for a while longer too.

**Garfield: **I wouldn't desire that.

**Raven: **You have no need to not wish that, I weep freely.

**Garfield: **I do believe your fair cousin is wronged, and I am willing to help her at all costs.

**Raven: **But that's a man's job, not yours.

**Garfield **(suddenly) You know, I recently discovered that I love nothing in the world so much as you, isn't that strange?

**Raven: **And it's possible for me to say I love nothing so much as you. Yet believe me not, yet I lie not. I confess nothing nor I deny nothing. (Rapidly changes topic) I feel sorry for my cousin.

**Garfield** (tries again) By my sword, you love me, Raven.

**Raven**: Will you eat it?

**Garfield **(more confidently now)**: **I won't eat it even if there was any sauce to go with it. I insist that I love you.

**Raven** (smiles reined in) You've stopped me in a happy hour. I was about to insist that I loved you.

**Garfield: **And you do it with all your heart?

**Raven: **I love you with so much of my heart that there is none left to insist.

**Garfield** (overjoyed) Come then sweet Raven, bid me do anything for you!  
**Raven **(suddenly) Kill Robin.

**Garfield:** But…

**Raven **(angrily) Fine. If you don't love me, then farewell. (Starts to leave)

**Garfield **(bars her way) Wait Raven! (Pauses) Is Robin truly your enemy?

**Raven**: (eyes him) Why do you even ask? He has slandered, scorned and dishonoured my poor cousin! O if I were a man, I would eat his heart in the market place!

**Garfield: **Calm down Rav—

**Raven: **Talk about a "man at her chamber window" indeed!

**Garfield: **But—

**Raven: **Sweet Starfire! She is wronged, she is slandered, she is undone!

**Garfield: **Rav—

**Raven: **Oh the Princes and Counts nowadays are so useless. Nobody's a man anymore, manhood is melted into curtsies, valour into compliments, and men are turned into tongue. O had I been a man for his sake! Or had any friend to be a man for my sake! (Sighs) Since I cannot be a man with wishing, I will die a woman with grieving.

**Garfield: **Peace, Raven. I love you. But do you in your soul really think Robin has wronged Starfire?

**Raven: **As I do have thought and a soul, yes.

**Garfield: **Alright. Don't worry sweet Raven, I will challenge Robin to a duel. Go and comfort your cousin now, farewell.

Exeunt


	7. Act 5 Scene 1: The Truth Revealed

Act 5 Scene 1

Don VicStone and Robin watch smugly as the two furious old men, Galfore and his brother Antonio leave after wanting to challenge them to a battle.

Enter Garfield.

**Don VicStone: **Ah Gar, there you are!

**Robin **(grins) You missed the part when we almost had our noses bitten off by two old men without teeth!

**Don VicStone **(laughs out loud)**: **Yeah, I mean, Galfore and Antonio, come on! We'd be too young for them!

**Garfield **(seriously) In a false quarrel there is no true valour. I came to find you Robin.

**Don VicStone **(aware that something is not right) Are you feeling alright Gar?

**Garfield **(approaches the laughing, naïve Robin and hisses in his ear) You are a villain. I'm not joking. Duel with me, or I will call you a coward.

**Robin **(cockily)**: **Alright then Garfield, I will meet you, so that I will be entertained by my own victory!

**Don VicStone: **What? Is there a feast?

**Garfield:**……

**Don VicStone** (trying to appease him) You know what, Raven praised your with the other day. At first she kept denying it, but in the end she smiled and admitted that you were the best man in Italy.

**Robin **(still laughing unknowingly) Yeah, soon we'll have to label him "Here lies Garfield the MARRIED man!" (Claps his hands, greatly enjoying his own joke)

**Garfield **(to Robin) Fare you well, boy. I'll leave you to your silly gossip-like humour, which thankfully, doesn't hurt me. (To Don VicStone) My Lord, thank you so much for your friendship and hospitality. Your brother the Bastard has fled from Messina; and you have amongst you killed a sweet and innocent lady. (To Robin) I will meet you at the challenge, Lord Lackbeard.

Exit Garfield

**Don VicStone: **He certainly sounded serious.

**Robin **(still laughing) Yeah, I bet you it's for the love of Raven!

**Don VicStone: **Anyway, did he mention that my brother has fled?

Enter the police force hired by the Prince. ControlFreak the master constable, Numerous his partner, and the policemen under his command carry a distressed-looking man—Speedy.

**Don VicStone **(sees) What happened? Why is my brother's servant tied up?

**ControlFreak: **Sir, he has spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; lastly he has belied a lady; thirdly he has verified unjust things, and to conclude, he is a lying knave.

**Don VicStone **(just couldn't resist making fun of his subordinate's mixed up numbers) First I ask you what he did; then I ask what's his offense; lastly why they are committed; and to conclude, what you lay to their charge. (Robin sniggers in the background)

**Don VicStone **(turns to Speedy) Could you tell me what offense you have committed yourself? This learnt constable is too cunning to be understood. (Robin laughs even louder at this)

**Speedy **(sighs) Sweet Prince, I've done a terrible crime, and have deceived even your very eyes. What your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light. They have overheard me confessing to my partner how Don Deathstroke your brother told me to frame the lady Starfire. You were led into the orchard and saw me court Chesire in Starfire's garments.

Therefore, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.

**Don VicStone **(turning slowly to Robin) Doesn't what he say run like iron through your blood?

**Robin **(equally dumbstruck) I was drinking poison while he said it.

**Don VicStone **(indignantly) So my brother had devised this whole plot and fled!

**Robin**: Sweet Starfire, now your image appears before my eyes again in the rare semblance that I loved it first.

**Control Freak: **Come on, let's take him away.

**Numerous: **And here comes Master Signor Galfore.

Enter Galfore

**Robin **(immediately) I do not know what to say, I apologize for all that I've said. Please choose your revenge to lay upon my sin. (Pause) But sinned I not but in mistaking.

**Don VicStone: **Nor I. But I am also willing to bend under any heavy weight you impose upon me.

**Galfore**: Well, no revenge will revive my daughter. But I plead you both to tell the people of Messina how innocent she died. And if you still love her, sing her epitaph to her bones, come tonight.

But since you can't be my son-in-law, be my nephew. My brother has a daughter who is identical to my child in appearance. Care for her as you would've done for her cousin. So here dies my revenge.


	8. Act 5 Scene 2: Growing Affection

Act 5 Scene 2

The day before the second marriage, Garfield is found humming to himself.

**Garfield: **Oh this is terrible, I can't make rhymes naturally, so I can't woo in poetic terms, what a shame!

Enter Raven

There you are sweet Raven! Don't worry, I've called with Robin (in answer to her inquiring eyes). (Pause) Please, tell me, which one of my bad parts did you first fall in love with?

**Raven** (laughs) Why for all of them together, which was in such a dreadful state, no good part could intermingle with them! (Pause) So which one of my good parts did you first suffer love?

**Garfield **: "Suffer" is definitely the right word, for I love you against my will.

**Raven: **Oh, so you do so against your heart. If you hate it so much, I will hate it for you, as I will never love what my friend hates.

**Garfield **(shakes head smiling) You and I are too wise to woo peaceably.

Enter Argent

**Argent: **Madam, good news! Lady Starfire has been proven innocent, and Don Deathstroke the villain behind this all has fled. Will you come to your uncle?

**Raven: **Will you come and hear the good news too Signor?

**Garfield: **As I will live in your heart, die in your lap and be buried in your eyes, I will go will you. (Raven smiles)

Exeunt


	9. Act 5 Scene 3: Another Wedding

Act 5 Scene 3

Enter Galfore, Antonio, Raven, Garfield, Chesire, Argent, the Friar and Starfire

**Galfore: **Now remember brother, you are my daughter's father.

meanwhile

**Garfield: **Friar, may I request your help?

**Friar: **What is it Signor?

**Garfield: **Well, Signor Galfore, your niece regards me with an eye of favour.

**Galfore **(smiles) Indeed she does.

**Garfield: **And I with an eye of love requite her.

**Galfore **(teases) Then what is your will, Signor Garfield?

**Garfield: **I have a clear answer for that. May I stand today to be conjoined in the state of honorable marriage.

**Friar **(chuckles) I see, I will help you.

Enter Don VicStone and Robin

**Galfore: **Are you ready to be married to my niece?

**Robin **(sincerely) Yes, I would marry even if she were a servant. Now where is the lady that I must seize upon?

Starfire approaches, veiled.

**Robin **(to Starfire) Give me your hand before the Holy Friar, as I am your husband.

(Starfire unmasks, Robin is struck in a state of surprise and ecstatic joy) Another Starfire!

**Starfire **(lovingly) When I lived I was your other wife; and when you loved you were my other husband. One Starfire died defiled, but I do live, and surely as I live, I am a maid.

**Don VicStone **(blurts out) It's the former Starfire that was dead!

**Garfield: **Friar, which is Raven?

**Raven** (unmasks) I answer to that name. What do you desire?

**Garfield **(earnestly) Do you love me?

**Raven **(teasingly) Why no, no more than reason.

**Garfield: **Well then, the Prince and Robin were mistaken. They swore you did.

**Raven **(asks back)**: **Then do you love me?

**Garfield **(banters back) Oh no, no more than reason.

**Raven **(laughs) Oh no, my cousin, Chesire and Argent were all fooled, they swore you did.

**Garfield: **They said you loved me sick!

**Raven**: My cousin swore you were going to die!

**Garfield: **Nonsense! Then do you not love me?

**Galfore **(cannot resist) Oh come on niece, admit that you do love the gentleman!

Robin and Starfire suddenly sprang at Garfield and Raven respectively, pulling out a piece of paper from each

**Don VicStone: **Ah what's this? Garfield's sonnet to Raven, and Raven's love letter to Garfield!

Raven and Garfield snatch the papers, their hearts glowing with pleasure as they read.

**Garfield: **Oh it's a miracle! Our hands have written against our own hearts! Come, let us be married. But remember, I'm only doing so out of pity.

**Raven **(teases back) I won't deny you. But really, I'm only being married to you partly to save your life.

**Don VicStone: **(grins): What now? "Garfield the Married man?"

**Garfield: **I tell you what Prince: even a whole school of jesters can't mock me out of my good humour. I don't care less for what I've said against marriage in the past, for man is a giddy thing, and that is my conclusion.

Come Robin, let's be friends again, and dance with our new wives. (Sees Don VicStone standing alone) Prince, you look sad. Get yourself a wife, get yourself a wife!

Enter Messenger

**Messenger: **My lord, your brother Deathstroke the Bastard has been captured back to Messina.

**Garfield: **Let's not think about until tomorrow. I'll help think of some good punishments for him. But for now, strike up the flutes!

All dance

End Notes

In case any of you are wondering, these are the characters and the corresponding Titans/ villains

Beatrice—Raven

Benedick—Garfield (Beast Boy)

Hero—Starfire

Leonato—Galfore

Antonio is just himself

Don Pedro—Victor Stone (Cyborg)

Don John—Deathstroke (Slade)

Margaret—Chesire

Ursula—Argent

Borachio—Speedy

Dogberry—Control Freak

Verges—(Billy) Numerous

By the way, I am in NO way trying to make Robin, Cyborg, Chesire and Speedy look stupid, (I especially love Robin and Cyborg!) it's just that their personalities or entire outlooks feel _most_ like those characters out all Titans.


End file.
